Amber & Catching Up

While I have been waging an inner battle, armed with mucous and coughs, against my arch allergy nemesis American Elm, so, so very much has been happening in the world.  Let me quickly try to recap.

1.  I got this pretty scarf from my favorite broken body person, Nick.

2.  And my hair color changed.  (See above.  It's darker.  One might even call it espresso.)

3.  Some incredibly smart and adorable marketing professionals over at everybody's favorite investigative news source, Mother Jones, launched a fundraising campaign featuring a Boat-o-meter to measure the campaign's success with the tagline "Sink the ship of fools."

Seriously genius--the kind of stuff we should be doing over at Mother Goose, Inc.  (I pronounce it "boat-oh-meter," but Kevin says "boat-om-etter."  Your choice.)

4.  The above fundraising campaign, to which you should give generously in order to help pay for, among other things, their Circulation Director's cat food (especially if you are getting a free sub from me) prompted me to remark that I wouldn't really be considered the captain of the Boat-o-meter but more of the navigator.  This caused a professional colleague to volunteer to be the ship's barkeep.

Completely amazing likeness, right?  Mobile technology is the absolute best.  I would say some boat stuff here, but really I confuse sailors with pirates all the time.  Arrgh!  That ship is yar!

5.  This caused me to hum the theme to my favorite Boat Show ever.

Did you see those guest stars?  Robert Vaughn and that hot reporter's mom?

6.  Lizzie, the best back seat road trip and tent companion ever, started a blog about her new macrobiotic diet.

Today's post is about allergies and diet and acupressure... which brings us back to the whole reason why I had all this saved up stuff to share with you, dear readers.

Damn you, American Elm.  Damn you and your seed, but thank you for your beauty and grandeur.

Amber & Ducks Mate for Life

If nothing else, I am consistent in my adorations.  See for example, pickles.  (Not Pickles.  About him I can be very fickle especially when he puts the fleece wand on my face at 4 am and then sits on my chest and mews.)  This especially true of my crushes, which I hold onto like Eva Marie Saint clinging to Cary Grant and the eyeball on Mt. Everest (thanks to Steve, who knows the difference between Mt. Rushmore and Mt. Everest).

Speaking of Cary Grant, I am incredibly loyal to my actor crushes. Once I love you on-screen, you can do just about anything, take any bad role, grow old, change your hair and guest star on NCIS, and I will continue to love you diegetically, aesthetically, and dreamily.  Only maybe I will blog about you a little less.  Take, for example, Johnny Depp.

Sigh.  If you've known me for any length of time (or ever had tequila with me), it's likely you know the root story of my love for Johnny.  If you haven't been that lucky (or were just Googling "puff coats"):  In 1987, I watched the premiere of 21 Jump Street, and started to sob--not because the show's tackling of trouble youth was especially effecting, but because Johnny was so damn pretty.  And, I knew I could never have him.  Ah, desire. First it's red, and then it's blue. And everytime I see an iceberg, Johnny, it reminds me of you.

I've seen everything Johnny has made, even Sweeney Todd, even though "seen" there really means squinted at out of one corner of my eye while the window on my laptop was only about two inches wide.  (I don't like scary movies.)  You can make that third lousy pirate film, Johnny, and I will go see it--in the theater!  And I will like it because you are pretty in a white flouncy shirt with bad teeth.  So take that.

The latest test of my love is the Alice in Wonderland posters in the subway.

Now, I love Alice in Wonderland.  (It even inspired my first born laptop name.)  And I love fake eyelashes. And I totally am all about dyed red hair, and hats, and tea, and madness.  But that poster just scares me!  And, I don't think it's a coincidence that I dreamt that I had a weird gap between my teeth last night.  I even tried to avoid the poster by taking a different entrance to the A after Awesome Club, but then I had to sit across from one on the train for 161 blocks!

But, Johnny, I will go see your latest endeavor in the theater, even if it proves to be your scariest role yet.  Because, Johnny, I would pay to watch you breathe.  And my love is nothing if not eternal and hopeless.

Amber & Copyright Infringement

Alisa's husband, James, sends this emergency dispatch from his honeymoon with the subject header "Copyright Infringement."


The real Pickles seems markedly unphased.

Amber & Birthday Sister

My sister, Candice, is a super person. I am incredibly proud of how kind, funny, and spirited she is. When she was a little gal, she was also the most adorable baby.


Can you believe those picture-perfect eyes? She grew up way too fast and, before I knew it, was graduating from college.

A little known fact about Candice is that she majored in Pirate Studies. Here she is after having landed her first job on board a ship.


The pirate life isn't all stealing booty. Here she is during some down time with her co-pirate, Gina Of The High Seas.


And, of course, pirates spend a good amount of time on land. Here she is exploring fierce jungle with her special pirate friend, Bernardo.


I am sure glad she has someone special who appreciates how beautiful she is, both on the insides and her Pirate Outside, too.


Here she is winning a pirate trophy.

She took first place in the Plank Walking competition. But, the great thing about Candice is that, despite all of her hijinx as a Pirate, she is still incredibly sweet. I remember how good she was with Woody when he was having an asthma attack as as an example.

I love Candice. She is a super important person in my life.

P.S. A special birthday ball of love for Amy, with whom my sister shares this special day. Like Candice, Amy is beautiful on both sides, both in and out, and I am super glad to know her.