Amber & Monkey Panky

I admit it. Sometimes I succumb to peer pressure. I received this plea this morning by e-mail.

The Republic of Jimmistania officially requests that the Amber & blog address the issue in the crazy Chimpy Lady story of what the Post refers to as her dabbling with her pet in "Monkey Panky." Furthermore there is a resolution that the blog entry should be entitled "Amber & Monkey Panky." Hereforthwith rightfully resolved upon this date in the year of our Post-Soviet Anarchy, February 20, 2009 under the dutiful supervision of President Jimmi.

I will, in the interest of truth, point out that a chimp is an ape, which is not a monkey. When I made this note to Jimmi [his spelling], he suggested an alternate title of "Chimpy Connubulation." I can't wait to see what Google searches lead people to my blog now.

I have no comment on this story other than the fact that chimps are not house pets, and I think it's criminal to pretend they are. Or lovers.

Amber & The Perfect Blendship

Hippo:Monkey::CRD:Amber

This work of Paul Frank fine art is so perfect and fitting for my friendship with CRD-- not only because he loves hippos (alot) like I love primates, or because we both blog about and know how to ride bikes. It also sums up our friendship, if smiling and riding a bike can be read as an allegory for sitting on the couch watching programs. It's also symbolic of how two seemingly different things can have so much in common: I am a monkey, CRD is big and red, but we both pedal along. The one unrealistic thing about this portrait of our friendship is that I, the monkey, am not wearing a helmet. Everyone knows I always wear a helmet, and even sometimes wear specialty headwear around the office.

You know what other two things have a special bond where each is made better by their friendship? Pickles and fleece blankets.

He's not hiding from the vacuum. I was resting, trying to horizontal off my horrible headache, and he nuzzled and suckled his way into the middle of the blankets. You can't tell from this photo, but he is purring so loudly that you can feel his purrs vibrating in the bed frame.

OMG. I love that buddy.

Amber & Death by Cuteness

OMG.

That's Conchita. Conchita is a wee baby white-naped Mangabey monkey who was born in a London Zoo. She has attached to a Teddy Bear for comfort since her mommy monkey can't raise her. She is the cutest Baby Animal I have ever seen.

Conchita likes smiling.

And biting noses.

I like Conchita. You can see her in cutie action here, after the British man.

I can't stand how cute she is.

Add to cart, please.

Amber & Hanuman Jayanti

Today, on the birthday of the mighty mythic monkey king, Hanuman, I want to talk to you, dear reader, about monkeys.  Namely, I want to tell you two things.

1.  Monkeys are awesome.

2.  And, as such, they should be recognized as their amazing, diverse selves and not confused with apes.  Monkeys and apes are totally different.  It's almost like confusing hippos and hedge pigs.

You think I am overly sensitive to the confusion?  Googleimagesearch "monkey" and notice that orangs, chimps, and gorillas are not monkeys.  Nor is Kevin: he has not tail, for starters.

I leave you with this wonderful story.  Hanuman's buddy Lakshaman is gravely injured as the result of an unfortunate mishap.  Hanuman flies to the Himalayas to get an herb that will heal the wounds.  My understanding, from MC Yogi, is that he can't decide which herb to bring back so he takes the whole mountain.  In this version, I'm not sure why he brings the whole mountain since he seems to have found the herb.  Maybe it's about bringing enough?  Anyway: super cool mountain-moving trick.



I love monkeys so much, I will even forgive Hanuman introducing non-native species to the area.

Amber & The Five Senses

Right now, my sense of balance is pretty messed up.  I have an inner ear infection, the primary symptom of which is vertigo.  But not in the mysterious, San Franciscan Kim Novak style.

More like the Jimmy Stewart on the film poster kind of vertigo.

(If you really want to know what I am experiencing, you should view this great image in its full glory here.)

The inner ear infection also makes my hearing a little wonky in my right ear--everything sounds like it's under water.

But, my Camper monkey shoes are still in good shape, featuring the see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil monkey triplets.

I don't wear them very often, mainly because they are a little squeezy on the top of the foot, but also because they are brown, and additionally because they are more like a collectible than a shoe.

In conclusion, 3 out of my five senses are monkeys.

Amber & Branded

You know you have been branded a monkey-lover when James sends you this photo from the street.

Chimpy bling.

And, in other branding news, my lunch delivery from Laura is now an official club.

On today's menu:
 - Paprika roasted sweet potato, NY cheddar and half sour pickles from the Pickle Guys on Italian bread
- Green Rice Salad
- Butternut Squash Chocolate Cookies

I love clubs.

Amber & Closure

Thanks to this guy...


...inviting me over to his house for Fellowship, I was able to put a nice punctuation mark (what's a more restful exclamation point? a period?) on my holiday weekend.

And thanks to this lady for bringing some key ingredients, ideas, and preparation abilities to make a delicious farm share kale soup with cheesy polenta squares...


...and for making this exciting bread thing to accompany the meal.


And, thanks to this meester...


...seen here resting after constructing this new shark and heritage Michael Jackson belt holder for CRD's bedroom.


No thanks to Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds, though, for making this movie, which was just plain awful and had way too many bullets in it.

And thanks to this monkey for playing wrassle with me and looking so pretty all the time.


Add these elements together, and it's a recipe for pleasantness.

Shanti peace with Fellowship.

Amber & Lucy

Lucy, the orang utan, is a crowd favorite and definitely the orang with the most character. Her bio on the National Zoo site states simply:

"Lucy, a Sumatran-Bornean hybrid, was born at the National Zoo in March 1973. She has been on loan to the Pittsburgh Zoo.

"At more than 200 pounds, Lucy is overweight. She will be put on a diet to return to a healthy weight. She is very clever and engaging. She has had a lot of human interaction and positive reinforcement training."

Poor Lucy gets called a fatty in her bio. I learned on Sunday, from Curator Lisa, that Lucy is an aging actress which explains some of her Diva-ness. Lucy born back in the days when they hand-reared apes, so she was raised by the wife of the Pittsburgh Zoo director. Then, somehow, Lucy found herself on a stage at something called "Monkey World" (not the UK sanctuary) as an entertainer. When she returned to the zoo, she was more interested in people than the other orangs, and had developed a hand bag fetish. Lucy whistles, blows kisses, and likes to spit water on strangers. She doesn't travel on the O-Line and has issues getting along with Iris. She likes to spend time with Kiko and is a much better behaved orang in his company. She also likes to sit in her window and stare out at the people.


Fine animal, Lucy.

Amber & Tarsiers

In zoo class, we learned about the freakiest primate of them all, the tarsier. Tarsiers are in the suborder of Prosimii, which means "pre-monkey," with our friends the lemurs, although there is some debate as to their classification based on specific DNA data and other odd physiognomy. Odd describes these buddies well.


Contrary to popular Google opinion, the tarsier is not the smallest primate; that honor belongs to the pygmy mouse lemur. Tarsiers are found in Southeast Asia, and are nocturnal. They see solely in black & white and their enlarged eyes which allow them to get more light to the retina are as big as their brain. Unlike most other primates which are frugivores and folivors, tarsiers eat insects. Freakily.

Amber & Happy Monkeys

I am still pretty sick, but I managed to venture out today and experienced the Snowpocalypse Aftermath first hand.  Mostly, it meant climbing some street corner snow banks, and trudging through slush.

To prepare for this dangerous adventure, I armed myself with three items of prime safety: my ridiculous big snow boots, my super soft hoody (no, really, have you felt how soft it is?) and a novelty-t.

This novelty t is from the Short-Haired Lady Coffee Place near Nick.  Nick goes there almost every day to work, but I like to go there because they have coffee.  And because I fit in good with my increasingly short hairstyle.  And now that I own this shirt, I like to go there even more because they support monkey happiness.

Close up:

Not all monkeys going into space were happy.  But this one sure is.  He must like coffee, too.  Or short-haired ladies.

Thank you for the nice shirt, Nick.

Amber & Woody, I Love You

Sometime after CRD gave me that friendship shirt with the hippo and the monkey riding the bicycle built for two. If Woody's legs were jointed differently, I would totally ride a bicycle built for two with him.

Amber & Overloaded on Cuties

In yesterday's comments, Kevin was fascinated by this week's Tiggy of the Wink.

Tiggy, in the featured photo, looks uncannily like George, a diabetic De Brazza's monkey at Port Lympne Wild Animal Park in Kent. I first saw George on everyone's favorite daily photo site that has all the cuteness fit to blog, Cute Overload. The Cute Folks found him over at the Telegraph where we also learn that...

"George has to be injected daily by his keeper and has a special diet which includes aubergine, apples, pears and not-too-ripe bananas, which are all low in sugar."

This is a stellar week over at CO with some super fine specimens, including this gorgeous baby orang.

And back over at the Telegraph, there was also this little gorilla guy.

I am about to fall into a cuteness coma.

Amber & Heed My Warnings

I think folks are starting to take my warnings about the coming ape (and monkey) revolution seriously.  There was this post over at Gizmodo.  Jimmy, ever watchful for signs of the rebellion, pointed me to it.

Little did I know that their first move would be into journalism.  The political gets personal.  Or something like that. (You know, because I am such a serious journalist?)

(Jimmy also points out that the behavior where you look into the viewfinder after each shot is called "chimping.")

Jimmy also sends us this cautionary reminder.