Amber & How We Met

I sure have had a hellish week.  All of the crazy work that kept me from blogging, getting home in time to vacuum, and remembering my hat until I got outside in the cold culminated yesterday with me wearing this shirt with a ridiculous bow on it to distract from the data on my Keynote slides.

Clever, right?  And check out Kevin in his dress shirt.  Fancy times.  ("Is that chart showing the price of a New York pizza slice over time..? Wait, look how fancy the New York staff is dressed.  What's going on with that bow on Amber's shirt?"  Etc.)

But, tonight, I am seeing some Lang at Film Forum with Kevin, then I am having Twin Times with Amy Bee (to be blogged and explained later, blexplained?) and then meeting Nick for a pub crawl and fancy dinner.  To celebrate our seven years of friendship, I wore the shoes that spurred our first non-work conversation.

That went something like this:

A: Here is that budget variance report I mentioned earlier.
N: Thank you.  Those are great shoes.
A: Thank you.  They are this kind called Fluevogs.
N: Oh, I know.  [shows shoes he is wearing, also Fluevogs]
A: Oh!  You are now my best friend ever.  Let's go to River House together!

Something like that.

Amber & Step One

Schlemmertopf.

(Third best thing to come out of Germany after Marlene Dietrich and Fritz Lang, the latter of whom happens to be having an "in Hollywood" series at Film Forum next month.)

Amber & Inspiration

People with whom I am planning to form a professional dance troupe (and you know who you are), I'm thinking this number has to added to our repertoire.



But with less facial expressions and more fancy dance moves.  Maybe more like this version?  (P.S.  He's a con artist.  Get it?  Bluffmaster.)

Amber & I Love Pooh

And not just Classic Pooh or Pooh from those Taoist books.  I was raised on Sears & Roebuck Disney Pooh with the red half-shirt, and Piglett in the pink-stripe leotard.  And I love that Pooh.  I loved my aforeblogged Talking Viewmaster Viewer with the amazing depth to the images, but I also loved the flatter hand-painted animations.  Like with the Heffalumps and Woozles.

(Yes, that Pooh nightmare gave me nightmares, but it was a growth experience.)

So just imagine my excitement, when Jimmy directed my attention to this.



I cried. That is how excited I am.  Who is in for a midnight screening on the day it opens?  Huh?

Come on, people.  It's Pooh.  And there seems to be a honey dream/dance sequence.

Love.

Amber & Totally, Like Fer Shur

I just rewatched Valley Girl.  I really enjoyed it, mostly because* I remembered how much I had wanted to share a coke with Nicolas Cage and his amazing, amazing hair.  And how pretty Gunne Sax blouses were.

That was 27 years ago.  And this song still makes me, well, melt.



*Full disclosure: I am on muscle relaxants for a frozen shoulder.  And I didn't sleep at all last night. But I am sure that has nothing to do with my film taste.

Amber & Despicable Descriptions

I understand what RUDE HUMOR is, but what on earth is MILD ACTION?  And why would it require parental guidance.  The NY Times review is no more helpful.


“Despicable Me” is rated PG (Parental guidance suggested). It has some action scenes that might rattle very young children.

 "Rattle?"

Maybe this is all language you understand if you are a parent?  But what if you are an ALH trying to decide whether or not the movie is for you?

Amber & Heed My Warnings

I think folks are starting to take my warnings about the coming ape (and monkey) revolution seriously.  There was this post over at Gizmodo.  Jimmy, ever watchful for signs of the rebellion, pointed me to it.

Little did I know that their first move would be into journalism.  The political gets personal.  Or something like that. (You know, because I am such a serious journalist?)

(Jimmy also points out that the behavior where you look into the viewfinder after each shot is called "chimping.")

Jimmy also sends us this cautionary reminder.

Amber & The Bloody Truth

Everywhere I go lately, I see those bus ads for True Blood, the HBO series about vampires which are based on the popular series of books but are not that other popular vampire movie/book franchise.

I've never seen the show.  But I did really, really like that other show about vampires.  (Little known fact: Awesome Club originally was Buffy Club.  Hence the Tuesday night schedule.)  So, I asked James if he thought I would like it, and he said yes.

But I was still sort of skeptical, although I couldn't tell you why.  Maybe the ads are just too lush?  Maybe it's the challenge for me of watching any HBO shows?  Maybe it's that I missed the first two seasons and would have to catch up fast?

But then Kirk, hot off his successful recommendation of Frisky Dingo and therefore an expert on what makes good TV, pointed me to this video by Snoop Dogg, a tribute to one of the characters on the show.  It is so over-the-top, I can't even bring myself to embed it.

Suffice it to say that it is more Snoop than Snoop ever was, a real simulacrum of Snoopdom.  I have no idea how to take it.  Does he know she's not a real person?  And?  "Yellow cars ain't fly, So hop in my jet."  For real?

I say no thank you to the whole endeavor.  Until I watch all the new Psychs and there is nothing else to do.

Oh, Snoop.

Amber & Overwhelming Emotion

Sometimes, you are so in love that you just don't know how you can go on.

What am I supposed to do about how much I love you?

That's why the call them crushes.  If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

Amber & Cross-Country Novelty T's

My San Francisco professional colleague Alison was wearing this amazing novelty t yesterday and gave me permission to blog it.

Get it?  It's a Lord of the Rings thing!  I thought it was awesome.

Also, Alison suggested I might want to crop out all of the mess behind her, but I think it shows both a) how busy she is multitasking all aspects of consumer subscription marketing and low-dollar fundraising and b) how far from dead print is.  So take that, Interweb.

Amber & Melodies

Are you sitting around, unable to move on with your day, just pondering what songs I find myself humming on the A train this week?  Let me help you out of your thought-rut.

There's this one.



I bet Kevin likes that one, and not just because it references Joan Fontaine.

And then this one was my theme song for relaxation yesterday.



And not just because the video features Mary Louise Parker, who shares a middle name with me, or because it features a rotary dial phone.

And, I've been humming this Laura Viers song in the office, and not just because she makes me feel like the one and only thing separating me from being a rock star is musical talent.  Did you not get that vibe from that very polished (and unfortunately embedding disabled) Warner Brothers video?  Watch her live.



See?  I already have the novelty t's, glasses, and general demeanor.

Amber & They Grow Them Big

Earlier today, a professional colleague sent this photographic evidence that the diet of sour dough bread really spurs growth in the pigeons in San Francisco.

That pigeon is practically man-sized. Maybe I need to worry less about the ape revolution and more about a winged rebellion?  It has happened before, after all...  and near San Francisco, no less.

Think feathered friends are just too small to be menacing?  Just ask 'Tippi' Hedren what it's like to be smooched in an unfriendly way by a seagull.  (Especially if that seagull is a smoker.)

Still not convinced beaked buddies are your worst nightmare?  Watch the darn movie.  Or just watch this quick summary in less than two minutes.

Amber & Closed By Court Order

Last week, Hip Hop Wear, the clothing wholesaler downstairs from my office, was closed by the fuzz for "sale of trademark counterfiet merchandise."  I imagine this means they were busted selling suits by Fobo, jackets by Rockawere, and Winged Victory of Samothrace sneakers.

This is not terribly sad for me; I was not emotionally invested in Hip Hop Wear, and I am sure another wholesaler will take the space soon enough.  Maybe one of those wig sellers which could be super fun.  (Who wants in on a wholesale wig order?)

Really, it just made me Remember.  Back in the twentieth century, I came back from a trip to Alaska to find that both drug-front bodegas downstairs from my Avenue B home had been closed by the Man.  Again, this wasn't sad.  It was surprising and the harbinger of things to come in the East Village, including $22 entrées and The Boxcar Lounge.

Of course, I don't really miss the East Village hipsters in my current hood, although we have plenty of our own brand of fashion divas who collect in gurgling pools on the side walks.

But, I do miss sitting at the bar in the Lakeside Lounge next to Sam Rockwell while doing my laundry and realizing, not counting his giant hair, we are about the same height.  Even though he clearly has significantly better dance moves.



And that of course, reminds me of how much I love Crispin Glover.  Yes, he is creepy and seems to have crazy head ALL THE TIME.  But that nose is so amazing.  I wish I had written this love song for Crispin Glover's jaw bones.



Or that I was in an all-black-haired girl rock band.

Amber & Cardamom

I am currently obsessed with cardamom.  If you took my How Well Do You Know ALH?  Facequiz, you probably learned that I could eat Indian cuisine eternally without fatigue.  No doubt that's because of the breadth of the spices and offerings, but it's also because I love cardamom so much.

You can add it, along with some salt and cayenne pepper, to yogurt with cucumbers and tomatoes and get a really simple raita.  You can add it to black tea with some cinnamon, ginger and cloves and get chai.  And it's one of the most important ingredients in my favorite spice blend, garam masala.  That's not to be confused with the film, Garam Masala, which one would be a fool to watch on Hulu just because it was named after one's favorite spice blend since one would be very disappointed that there is actually nothing about spices in the entire movie.

Also, cardamom makes an earthy, first-chakra-grounding essential oil, which in turn makes a nice perfume (especially when mixed with a little vetiver in a base oil), that is said to have a warming effect and "reminds of life's true abundance when we feel deprived of opportunity or generosity."  I think that means its zesty and rich.

Cardamom should not be confused with coriander, another awesome plant to be recognized another week.  Coriander is what we here in the Americas called cilantro (often with loathing since there seems to be some kind of weird cilantro backlash), but it also comes as a nice dried spice which is just as versatile as coriander.

But not as zesty.

If one did happen to watch a film named after one's favorite spice blend, this would be the big dance number that references the spice blend.  If.

Amber & Danger!

When you are cooking a steak for Awesome Club and CRD tells you to watch out because the handle of the cast iron skillet is very hot (since Alton Brown told you to heat it up in the oven first), you should really pay attention.  Or else.

Just like when the horrible studio head tells you that bad things will happen if you don't sign the contract, you'd better sign it.  But then bad things will probably happen anyway.  PSYCHO-ANALYSIS.

Especially if you are a big-mouthed, not very bright aspiring starlet played by Miss Shelley Winters.

I love Robert Aldrich.  He could Kiss Me Deadly any time.  PSYCHO-ANALYSIS.

Also, did you know you aren't supposed to ice burns?

Amber & Checking for Updates

Could we please make this...

...the new this...

...?

Amber & Friday Fun Club

Last night, CRD and I enjoyed Friday Fun Club, which has nothing whatsoever to do with Awesome Club.  I don't know why you'd ever confuse them.  They are completely different things.   They have, for example, totally different names.

So many fun things happened during Friday Fun Club, including, but certainly not limited to:

1.  Le Disko

Thank you disco, for becoming what you are today by fusing with glam rock and electronica.  And thank you Kylie Minogue-listeners (you know who you are) for making it happen.  Take that, Bee Gees.

2.  Thai food.

3.  A really nice savignon blanc, full of notes of stuff and a finish with flavors and stuff.  (We have to take that wine class, CRD.)

4.  This.

Overheard regarding an Olympic ice dancing pair, and quickly added to the list of items to remember.  Right next to this whole scene from Awesome Club earlier in the week.



Good times.

Amber & Le French

You may not know, but Coffee, my on-again-off-again lover, and I broke up again.  I'm totally head over heals for the bean, but we're just not a good fit.  It's not you, Coffee; it's me.  And my shaking hands and acid reflux.

And, I totally recognize that I am on the rebound.  I went back to my old flame, Red Lipstick.  Although I know in the past Lipstick has treated me wrong, it claims to have reformed.  And, I believe it--although I recognize that I may just be taken in by its obvious charms.  Only time will tell.  And my Scramble 2 scores.

When we're going out together, I feel like I can be myself--more monochromatic--just because lipstick is with me.  (That makes Purple my BFF, the third wheel, who will be waiting for me patiently and comfortingly when Lipstick and I are on the rocks again.)  So, today's outfit revolved around a black and white striped t-shirt.  And that made me think of France, and then I had to know why.  So I Googled.  And lo!  It's because of their naval uniforms.

And that made me think of all of the other great things the French have given us.  Herewith, a list of my top five favorite French things.

1.  Striped shirts.

(Even better with red lipstick, which is not French.)

2.  Mayonnaise.  Great with fries, burgers, Sapporo rolls, and turkey sandwiches.  Really, great with just about everything.

3.  Casablanca.  Without Paris, what would we always have?

4.  Jacques Lacan.  Because without the Symbolic Order, I wouldn't have a BFA.  And if I hadn't gotten that degree, I wouldn't have met James or Kevin, and CRD and I wouldn't have half the jokes we have now.  And I wouldn't have really utilized these over-active mirror neurons.

5.  That really great episode of Murder She Wrote where Jessica is in France.

Merci beaucoup, les grenouilles.

Amber & Ducks Mate for Life

If nothing else, I am consistent in my adorations.  See for example, pickles.  (Not Pickles.  About him I can be very fickle especially when he puts the fleece wand on my face at 4 am and then sits on my chest and mews.)  This especially true of my crushes, which I hold onto like Eva Marie Saint clinging to Cary Grant and the eyeball on Mt. Everest (thanks to Steve, who knows the difference between Mt. Rushmore and Mt. Everest).

Speaking of Cary Grant, I am incredibly loyal to my actor crushes. Once I love you on-screen, you can do just about anything, take any bad role, grow old, change your hair and guest star on NCIS, and I will continue to love you diegetically, aesthetically, and dreamily.  Only maybe I will blog about you a little less.  Take, for example, Johnny Depp.

Sigh.  If you've known me for any length of time (or ever had tequila with me), it's likely you know the root story of my love for Johnny.  If you haven't been that lucky (or were just Googling "puff coats"):  In 1987, I watched the premiere of 21 Jump Street, and started to sob--not because the show's tackling of trouble youth was especially effecting, but because Johnny was so damn pretty.  And, I knew I could never have him.  Ah, desire. First it's red, and then it's blue. And everytime I see an iceberg, Johnny, it reminds me of you.

I've seen everything Johnny has made, even Sweeney Todd, even though "seen" there really means squinted at out of one corner of my eye while the window on my laptop was only about two inches wide.  (I don't like scary movies.)  You can make that third lousy pirate film, Johnny, and I will go see it--in the theater!  And I will like it because you are pretty in a white flouncy shirt with bad teeth.  So take that.

The latest test of my love is the Alice in Wonderland posters in the subway.

Now, I love Alice in Wonderland.  (It even inspired my first born laptop name.)  And I love fake eyelashes. And I totally am all about dyed red hair, and hats, and tea, and madness.  But that poster just scares me!  And, I don't think it's a coincidence that I dreamt that I had a weird gap between my teeth last night.  I even tried to avoid the poster by taking a different entrance to the A after Awesome Club, but then I had to sit across from one on the train for 161 blocks!

But, Johnny, I will go see your latest endeavor in the theater, even if it proves to be your scariest role yet.  Because, Johnny, I would pay to watch you breathe.  And my love is nothing if not eternal and hopeless.

Amber & New Career Paths

I just signed up for ice skating lessons!  On Mondays at 7:00 pm, I'll be refreshing my on-ice skills and, I hope, developing new ones.

Now, I just need to get my mom to make me one of those outfits over the weekend.

When Kevin gets back from his doctor's appointment, I'll break the news to him so he can start finding my replacement.  Nick told me the shocking news that Ice Capades are out of business, but I think I will make a great Princess Jasmine.



Or, I could be the skating alligator, like in my second favorite ennui comedy.  (Wait for it.  It's in there.)