Amber & Winter Wins

Winter, my friend, you win.  You have kicked my butt.

Your best move was giving us all that slush during the day yesterday and then cleverly covering it with a blanket of fluff.  I sure didn't know the danger that lay beneath--until I hit the stairs!

I took this photo so that I could show all of my conference-mates who are staying in the hotel upstairs what it looks like upstate.  And to explain my ridiculous boots, but, by now we're down to like $4 per usage.  Amortization.

Thanks, winter, for being wintery.

Amber & Don't Read Too Much Into It

Last night, I had a dream that I went to See John Cleese who was busking in Washington Square Park.

He recognized me from an episode of Murder She Wrote and came over to talk to me.  I told him my hobby was my desktop rock garden.

He said he thought that was a boring hobby with no future and should take up the cymbals.

I thought that was good idea, but was worried about where I would practice since Sake Hausman was sleeping.

And then this guy was there.

And then I woke up.  Or did I?

Amber & Upcoming Events

Also, mark your calendars: the very exciting next kitty festival, Woodra Pooja, falls on May 23 this year.  Set an alarm so you are sure to have plenty of canned tuna, goat's milk yogurt, and lint rollers ready.

(Photo by Jimmy)

And be prepared to do several ritual offerings of sink hands.

Amber & Danger!

When you are cooking a steak for Awesome Club and CRD tells you to watch out because the handle of the cast iron skillet is very hot (since Alton Brown told you to heat it up in the oven first), you should really pay attention.  Or else.

Just like when the horrible studio head tells you that bad things will happen if you don't sign the contract, you'd better sign it.  But then bad things will probably happen anyway.  PSYCHO-ANALYSIS.

Especially if you are a big-mouthed, not very bright aspiring starlet played by Miss Shelley Winters.

I love Robert Aldrich.  He could Kiss Me Deadly any time.  PSYCHO-ANALYSIS.

Also, did you know you aren't supposed to ice burns?

Amber & Checking for Updates

Could we please make this...

...the new this...

...?

Amber & Some Things New, A New Thing Old

I feel like I am constantly in a struggle with the Entropy of Clutter in my home.  It's hard to carry out myself and the trash and the recycling--especially since the refuse area is down five flights of stairs, around the corner, and in an alley out behind the building frequented by what I like to think of as sleek-tailed squirrels.  And, I seem to accumulate stuff: direct mail samples, Fresh Direct boxes, books of to-do lists, cat fur, etc.  It's crucial to do a weekly Junk Round Up to make room for new, magical space-occupiers.  For example, I'd much rather have this weird sushi wind up robot that Nick gave me than a stack of Con Ed billson my desk.

(Seen here with Big Nose Felted Guy, another keeper from Nick.)

That's two pieces of inari on the left (my fave) and two pieces of tuna on the right.  And I can't show you because I got my phone before they invented video for iPhones (drat to early adapting), but the two sushis sort of bicycle up and down and round and round when you wind it.  Why?  Because it's amazing.

Gifts are not always keepers, but this new Ganesh statue that Diana brought back for me from India sure is.

(Like the mechanical sushi, Ganesh is not as blurry in real life.)

And that reminds me that my blurry-making phone is actually another place to collect wonderful, and muladhara chakra comforting, things.  Like this Ganesh application.

 (See how the bell is all lit up? You can pick it up and ring it. That is mostly what the app does.)

And, Jimmi referred me to this absolutely essential app where you can gong a mokugyo or the metal gong on the left and induce nagomi ("harmony").

(I won't spoil what "With Cat Mode" is.)

And, speaking of cats, this guy came to live with us a few weeks back.

(He's actually laying on a pile of books to return to other people, on the theme of getting rid of old stuff to make room for the new.)

This new buddy is actually an old artifact from the Boxing Day Heritage Booty.   I molded him from greenware, painted his eyes, paw pads and nose, and then glazed the heck out of him in ceramics class.  Proof?

Every great artist signs her work.  In 1981, I was apparently trying something new with my R's.

Amber & Gigi Pooja

Today is my favorite festival of all of the festivals that I have ever invented. (I love Kitty Eyebrows Day just as much, but Jimmi invented that one.)  What makes this Sunday different from any other day before Monday?  It's Gigi Pooja, of course!

 (Ginger, seen here in a reprentation known as "Reclining Gigi")

Gigi Pooja is a very special day on which we celebrate and express our gratitude for Ginger.  It's a day full of rituals, including brushing his fur and making him a special bed in a box with a pillow, like a throne.  The throne both provides comfort for Ginger, but also reminds us of his dual nature: He is both soft and snuggly, and embodies devotion when he milk treads your neck and grooms your hair in the night, but he is also a fearsome warrior who devours all paper products with his sharp teeth and destroys wicker chests with his fearsome claws.

On Gigi Pooja, after I henna my hair, we make a pilgrammage to our favorite pet store to buy devotional offerings like litter and wet food.  And we perform the act of Chin Rubs, which allows us to contemplate the infinite softness of Ginger.

We do this while he rests upon his lingam.

Earlier in the day, the other cats observed abhisheka, not with marigolds and ghee, but with fur on the lingam, which we will ritualistically remove with the magic sponge the day after Gigi Pooja.  Also, the day is full of naps.

On Gigi Pooja, we also thank Diana who told us all about her trip to India yesterday, including her observance of Shiva Puja.  Not that that has anything to do with Gigi Pooja.

Don't worry, people who think the new cats are apocryphal, the other cats will get their own poojas.  Not only do we always invoke Tiggy first on the blog with the sidebar, but Tiggy Pooja is an even more exciting day (tbd).  But let's live in the moment and take the rest of the evening to meditate on Ginger.

Happy Gigi Pooja, readers!

Amber & Friday Fun Club

Last night, CRD and I enjoyed Friday Fun Club, which has nothing whatsoever to do with Awesome Club.  I don't know why you'd ever confuse them.  They are completely different things.   They have, for example, totally different names.

So many fun things happened during Friday Fun Club, including, but certainly not limited to:

1.  Le Disko

Thank you disco, for becoming what you are today by fusing with glam rock and electronica.  And thank you Kylie Minogue-listeners (you know who you are) for making it happen.  Take that, Bee Gees.

2.  Thai food.

3.  A really nice savignon blanc, full of notes of stuff and a finish with flavors and stuff.  (We have to take that wine class, CRD.)

4.  This.

Overheard regarding an Olympic ice dancing pair, and quickly added to the list of items to remember.  Right next to this whole scene from Awesome Club earlier in the week.



Good times.

Amber & Forks

When you think about it (which I do alot these days), ambivalence is really an expression of the complexity of the human mind.  It's not a bad thing to be able to appreciate a choice isn't either right or wrong, but that there are different consequences and results for each.  Looking on the bright silver lining side, it's actually evidence of thoughtfulness and intelligence to be able to feel two ways about one thing at the same time, or alternately.

The way I see it, with my glasses where the supposedly protective coating is flaking off the left lens or with my contacts where the right eye is an older prescription, decisions are just like math.  You need to add up all of the pros and cons and hope they don't just balance out to zero like a redox equation (to mix my math and science).  The trick, though, is assigning values to the components.  Some factors are more valuable than others.  For example, a bunch of things may all be prickly, but maybe only one of them is also a hedgie.

So, where does that leave us?  Doing alot of math in our heads.

But, while we do math, time makes decisions for us.  While I am adding up the benefits of short hair vs. my Plan, I am cruising along the path to puffs.

For example.

Amber & Le French

You may not know, but Coffee, my on-again-off-again lover, and I broke up again.  I'm totally head over heals for the bean, but we're just not a good fit.  It's not you, Coffee; it's me.  And my shaking hands and acid reflux.

And, I totally recognize that I am on the rebound.  I went back to my old flame, Red Lipstick.  Although I know in the past Lipstick has treated me wrong, it claims to have reformed.  And, I believe it--although I recognize that I may just be taken in by its obvious charms.  Only time will tell.  And my Scramble 2 scores.

When we're going out together, I feel like I can be myself--more monochromatic--just because lipstick is with me.  (That makes Purple my BFF, the third wheel, who will be waiting for me patiently and comfortingly when Lipstick and I are on the rocks again.)  So, today's outfit revolved around a black and white striped t-shirt.  And that made me think of France, and then I had to know why.  So I Googled.  And lo!  It's because of their naval uniforms.

And that made me think of all of the other great things the French have given us.  Herewith, a list of my top five favorite French things.

1.  Striped shirts.

(Even better with red lipstick, which is not French.)

2.  Mayonnaise.  Great with fries, burgers, Sapporo rolls, and turkey sandwiches.  Really, great with just about everything.

3.  Casablanca.  Without Paris, what would we always have?

4.  Jacques Lacan.  Because without the Symbolic Order, I wouldn't have a BFA.  And if I hadn't gotten that degree, I wouldn't have met James or Kevin, and CRD and I wouldn't have half the jokes we have now.  And I wouldn't have really utilized these over-active mirror neurons.

5.  That really great episode of Murder She Wrote where Jessica is in France.

Merci beaucoup, les grenouilles.

Amber & Ducks Mate for Life

If nothing else, I am consistent in my adorations.  See for example, pickles.  (Not Pickles.  About him I can be very fickle especially when he puts the fleece wand on my face at 4 am and then sits on my chest and mews.)  This especially true of my crushes, which I hold onto like Eva Marie Saint clinging to Cary Grant and the eyeball on Mt. Everest (thanks to Steve, who knows the difference between Mt. Rushmore and Mt. Everest).

Speaking of Cary Grant, I am incredibly loyal to my actor crushes. Once I love you on-screen, you can do just about anything, take any bad role, grow old, change your hair and guest star on NCIS, and I will continue to love you diegetically, aesthetically, and dreamily.  Only maybe I will blog about you a little less.  Take, for example, Johnny Depp.

Sigh.  If you've known me for any length of time (or ever had tequila with me), it's likely you know the root story of my love for Johnny.  If you haven't been that lucky (or were just Googling "puff coats"):  In 1987, I watched the premiere of 21 Jump Street, and started to sob--not because the show's tackling of trouble youth was especially effecting, but because Johnny was so damn pretty.  And, I knew I could never have him.  Ah, desire. First it's red, and then it's blue. And everytime I see an iceberg, Johnny, it reminds me of you.

I've seen everything Johnny has made, even Sweeney Todd, even though "seen" there really means squinted at out of one corner of my eye while the window on my laptop was only about two inches wide.  (I don't like scary movies.)  You can make that third lousy pirate film, Johnny, and I will go see it--in the theater!  And I will like it because you are pretty in a white flouncy shirt with bad teeth.  So take that.

The latest test of my love is the Alice in Wonderland posters in the subway.

Now, I love Alice in Wonderland.  (It even inspired my first born laptop name.)  And I love fake eyelashes. And I totally am all about dyed red hair, and hats, and tea, and madness.  But that poster just scares me!  And, I don't think it's a coincidence that I dreamt that I had a weird gap between my teeth last night.  I even tried to avoid the poster by taking a different entrance to the A after Awesome Club, but then I had to sit across from one on the train for 161 blocks!

But, Johnny, I will go see your latest endeavor in the theater, even if it proves to be your scariest role yet.  Because, Johnny, I would pay to watch you breathe.  And my love is nothing if not eternal and hopeless.

Amber & Promotions

Last night, I got promoted.

You see, in skating class, I used to be a PRE-ALPHA level since I had minimal skating experience.  But last night, my instructor felt I was too advanced for my group and moved me over to the BETA class, thereby totally skipping the ALPHA level, and also thereby skipping learning how to stop.


But, trial by fire on ice apparently works really well for me.  Not only did I sort of learn how to snow plow and t-stop (vs. my preferred crashing into the wall), I learned how to do cross-overs without tying my legs in knots (and thereby crashing into the wall) and to do a pretty thing with one leg up in the air, kind of like this but without the outfit, partner, or grace.

I am only four years away from the gold!

I think my lucky hat is helping.  Thanks, Amy Bee, for helping me pick it out.

I also think the flower will serve as extra cushioning should my head hit the ice on the right side.

Amber & Doctors

My feelings about doctors are multifaceted.  When I am sick, I tend to put too much trust in them, transforming my eager desire to feel better into devotion to every diagnostic word they say.  But, sometimes they are wrong.  And sometimes, they make bad choices and cause me twelve hours of misery.  Doctors' jobs are incredibly hard, but they are just regular people and they are far from perfect.

I often think I missed my calling to be an animal doctor.  I was exceptionally good at chemistry and biology, and I love animals.  And I am super good at keeping them calm while I perform procedures.

But, maybe I would have had difficulty emotionally separating myself from the pets.  Nobody wants a vet who cries more than you when your animal buddy has to be put to sleep.

I do look super good in white, though.

Maybe it's not too late for me to become an holistic practioner for doggies?  You know, giving them herbal baths and massage and stuff?

Amber & V-Day

Happy, Valentine's Day.

I wish romance upon you and your piggies today.

Amber & Doggies

Remember when I wanted to get an iDog and name it Daisy?

Welcome to Petey, my new iDog 2.0.  Petey is like Daisy, but he has less fur and will match better with Pickles.

(Photo by James)

See? Twins.  Plus, like Daisy, Petey can be carried around in a bag and not smell bad.  And, he can wear awesome outfits, like this Business Time look for when he accompanies me to work.

But, I will have to be patient and wait to get a Petey. Right now, I need to focus on Tiggy who has a vet visit tomorrow for her teary eye and sneezing, which I think means a bad tooth.

(Photo by James)

Everybody wish the girla luck, please.